November 18, 2013 § Leave a comment
I sprained my ankle last year in May 2012. I was bouldering at the Hive when it happened… I jumped off the rock wall which estimated to be about fifteen to twenty feet high. When I landed on the ground, I tried to roll back to absorb the falling impact, but my feet didn’t respond correctly to what I had intended to do. I heard a pop sound and instantly my left ankle rolled inward. I knew I had done something stupid and wrong, so I got up on my right foot without feeling sad or hurt and then I tried placing some weight on my left foot. Nope… I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t put any weight on my left foot. Not long after the fall, my sister helped me and I called my parents to come and pick us up to go to the Hospital. Luckily, it was only a sprain. The hospital gave me a couple of crutches which I used for two weeks. During the two weeks of being on my crutches… I yearned to walk and run. When I came off the crutches, I did physio for 10 weeks. I felt very blessed to have limbs and to walk/run once again.
In these past few weeks of my life, I have been struggling with my identity again. I struggle to hold on to the truth spoken into my life because I considered them not valuable. I always expect myself to be better like that person because of their athletics or strengths. I fail to recognize my own strengths when I’m comparing myself to them. This is a life lesson I continue to learn. So to push myself forward, I began to start jogging/running on a treadmill. I ran once a week ago and strained my ankle, I ran too hard… and my left ankle started to act up again. Sometimes when I walk, my ankle hurts. I have been discouraged because I want to run, I want to be in shape, but I can’t because I don’t want to hurt my ankle and make it worse. Since then, I have been resting my ankle.
So today as I looked at myself in the mirror, I felt disappointed because I didn’t look physically strong, but… I remember the time I sprained my ankle. I recall that time to be a gift from God because He showed me my strength. He showed me the importance for having two legs to walk, to run, and to jump. He made me perfectly, according to His plan for my life. I have strengths and I also have weaknesses, but I want stop focusing on my weaknesses and start focusing by giving Jesus my whole undivided attention.
I feel blessed; so blessed to be alive and to have and use every part of my body. I am encouraged. I am loved. I am perfectly made. I don’t need to strive to be someone else anymore because I have Jesus in my life.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. (Hebrews 12:1-2)
November 18, 2013 § 1 Comment
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a Willing spirit, to Sustain me. (Psalm 51:12)
In every trouble that I face throughout my life, there is always a time when I want God to bring me breakthrough. I pray for God to break (or convict) me and for God to bring me breakthrough. Over time as I keep asking for this prayer, I grow closer to understand myself and Jesus better. I want to get rid of the idols and treasures that I prioritize before God, because I want to keep Him to be first in my life over anything and everything that I do. In one sense, I feel like I am training my mind to respond quicker to what Jesus is requesting of me. I marvel at His constant pursuit of his tender love and mercies he keeps pouring into me.
Also, I have begun to realize again the precious gifts and truths God has given to me throughout my life. I sometimes forget His truth that He spoken into my life when I am wrapped up with fear and doubt. Today as Heidi was giving a sermon at my church, it dawned on me that we are constantly in a spiritual warfare. I’m not sure why I had forgotten that, but now I will pray more eagerly for the Holy Spirit to bring me aid in this battle.
So as I open up my hands in the posture of prayer, I pray for the Spirit to break out and to break my walls down. I pray for my King to breathe life on me, granting me an increase of strength to help me persevere through this storm. Let the sound of His voice bring me peace, confidence, and freedom. Let His living waters cleanse and wash me so I can be made whiter than snow. Oh Father, you are worthy, much more worthy than what my praise could ever bring you, so hear my prayer and answer me. You are the only one in the universe who is able to Break me through this dam that I’ve built up; this burden that has caused me to stumble and fall, so that I am able to return to your presence to be used by your glory. “Speak [now], for your servant is listening.” (1 Samuel 3:10)
I pray this all the powerful name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
November 16, 2013 § Leave a comment
There is a continuous stream of God’s love pouring down from heaven into my cup.
Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me. I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God. (Psalm 69:1-3)
My thoughts have been scattered from focusing on the truth lately… the truth of who I am and who do I become. I almost feel like I have been dwindled by a striving force to take action. Although, the feeling of fear ceases my actions, therefore creating a vortex to suck every bit of truth and life out of my soul. I am weak, fragile, and incapable to step forward by myself. Why did I decide only to strive to live by my motives and will?
I’ve imprisoned myself with my own good intentions because I was too scared to accept the truth. The truth that I am confident and able to do anything with God at my side, and yet I continue to choose to walk my own path without confiding in Him, who rescues us from the valley of shadow of death.
I am easily swept up within the emotions of sorrow. I have no strength to keep myself above the waters. I.. I want to break free of this struggle, then… I may be able to endure the last bit of this storm in my life.
There is Hope.
I have an old friend who brings me warmth and light to bear my burdens and my sins. He is here to guide the way for my weary soul. He is here to lift me above the storms.
The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:28-31)