It’s creeping upon me

December 7, 2013 § Leave a comment

I’m very limited to what I can handle and what I do when other people tell me things… It’s a creeping pain that forces me to look like a hunch back. These burdens are the pains coming to the surface over my outward attitude in my life. I’m tired, grumpy, unwilling, and frustrated. These are the feelings of darkness that tie me down. Unfruitful and bitterness weeds being exposed in the fields of my heart.

This night is coming down on me. It’s hard to see any light in this blurry fog of fear and sorrow.

Why are there some people where I am able to speak to freely, and for others… I feel as if my tongue had been cut out. I have the power to speak the truth into my life and the authority to be rid of the enemy, however, my heart hardens and I am unwilling.

I am reminded by my heart being hardened from the story in Exodus. I’ve been reading where Moses and Aaron perform miracles and plagues against Pharaoh and his people. And after every plague, The Lord hardens Pharaoh’s heart, until finally Pharaoh releases Moses and his people and their herds and livestock.

I searching for the rest of what’s hidden inside of me to be exposed and brought up to the surface to be dealt with. It’s been so long where I have shoved so much stuff deep and down without ever knowing what I first hid. God gives me strength – it brings me more frustration when I express the truth. This frustration is alive within me, it’s almost like it wants to escape my body, and yet I resist for it to take over. Because I do not want to be defeated by it, I want to overcome it with confidence and faith.

“The Lord Himself watches over you!
The Lord stands beside you as you protective shade.
The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go,
Both now and forever.” – Psalm 121:5,8

I will rest from here and continue writing to discover the truth within myself.

Please pray for me as I continue to struggle with these burdens.

“I lay down and slept in safety,
For the Lord was watching over me.
I am not afraid of ten thousand enemies
Who surround me on every side” – Ps. 3:5

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