January 30, 2014 § Leave a comment
When she first messaged me this evening, I was excited to be greeted by an old familiar face. It’s been a long time since I last spoke with my Ywam friends from Kona. I’m not the sort of person who intentionally updates them about my life, unless I ask them to be my accountability partners. It is a reminder to stay in touch with them and when an opportunity comes, to pray for and with them.
At this moment, my friend is struggling in her relationship with God. She feels distant from Him and is waiting to be “reignited into a flame with a burning passion.” I can sense a yearning within her soul to be close to God once again. Despite the many obstacles blocking her way, I know that God will break them down to be with her.
The Lord is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. Psalm 145: 17-18
I’ve been lost multiple times before on my walk with God, not knowing where he is… I have felt burnt out and very distant from him, although, I know to this day that I was never alone. He never left my side and he never will. For I know there’s a steady fire burning inside my soul, one who can rekindle her fire with the help of Jesus Christ. I’m not hoping to dump all the oil onto her so she burns brightly for a short while, but I’m praying that God will be sufficient to provide a fire for her to last for eternity.
Just having my friend’s face pop up in my head brings back many wonderful memories. Memories that we made in Kona and in Dalian. She was very passionate, connected to Jesus, and a powerful intercessor with wonderful gifts being used to glorify God and encouraging the body. These memories are like the promises he will fulfill again. All that is left is to balance life and God – When she finds the centre, she will start her climb back up to God.
I love how certain people (old friends) and familiar words come to my mind, I receive these wonderful flashbacks to remember. Sometimes these flashback bring my joy, and sometimes they bring me sorrow; However, no matter what sort of feeling I receive from these memories, they are all but a gift from God. My growth has been long and hard, but I will keep on walking to strengthen my relationship with the Lord. I’m excited for the new challenges that lay ahead and the new fruit that will bloom.
January 29, 2014 § 1 Comment
Lately, it has been very difficult to spend time with God. It is the sitting in silence and listening which makes it difficult for me. So tonight, while feeling tempted to fall into sin, I asked a friend what I should do. He told me to turn on some worship music. I did as he told me and decided to spend some time with God. I proposed a question in my head. “What do I want to take a look at today?” Simply meaning… with all the areas where I struggle in, what do I want to offer up to God today? I have never thought of prayer this way, to dissect a part of my struggle and give it as an offering to Jesus. Memories flashed through my mind of my desired goal to be more confident and faithful in myself and in the Lord. So, what did I offer up to God today? I will tell you.
I offered up myself to Him because I lack self worth. Self worth has been a major struggle of mine throughout my life. Again and again, I have to give my all to Jesus as I sometimes forget and lose myself within the patterns of this world. I will weave these passages into my soul, so that I will be made up of truth instead of lies.
Early on, I was looking through some verses in the bible which reflected self worth and three passages spoke out to me.
1) Psalm 139:13-15
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
2) 1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
3) Romans 12:2
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Highlighted in blue were the words that spoke out to me. Words of truth made to lift me up, To encourage and become ingrained within my soul, so that when I do lose sight of who I am, I can look back to these verses with confidence and faith in the Lord. He will listen to me and provide a way out. He will comfort me and never forsake me.
I praise the Lord for this small breakthrough.
January 27, 2014 § Leave a comment
Why is it that every time I want to do something, I end up doing nothing? Where every bit of my free time needs to be filled with something… and yet it comes to a point where I cannot bear to do anything because I’m simply bored and lazy. I am bored with being distracted. Where my mind cannot function anymore because it’s filled with junk. I think I have had enough of filling my mind with unworthy things. Entertainment can only go so far in this life, but if I start choosing to spend some time with God, I know that I will be filled with his presence.
There’s a feeling in my heart – it shapes an uncomfortable frustration where I am limited with my patience. It grows and aches when my mind is not being shoved underneath the earth. Even now, it’s not just a feeling that rises from my heart and a numbing pain that leaks out from the temples of my head. I can finally see it coming to the surface of my soul. Where it can be identified and given to the foot of the cross where Jesus can cleanse and wash me anew.
When tomorrow comes, I may be back into the rhythm of filling my mind with distractions and junk. However, change is one step at a time and sometimes its instant.
Jesus, I pray that you will change my posture to pursue you more. Break down this stronghold of distractions that is planted in my heart. I surrender everything to you so you may use me as your please. Prompt me with your spirit to pray for anyone needed regardless of what time and what place we may be in, and please guide me to speak with truth and love to everyone I encounter. Thank you Jesus for your grace and salvation, for giving me life and for taking away all of my sins. Amen.
January 24, 2014 § Leave a comment
“I thank my God every time I remember you… I always pray with joy”
Every time I pray with someone, my cup overflows with joy and the Holy Spirit! I become excited, awaken, and prompted to pray for the people who share their stories with me.
What is this driving force that lifts me off my feet and carries me away? This power that holds up authority and life?
This is the God of all, YHWH.
” I love the Lord, because he hears me; he listens to my prayers. He listens to me every time I call to him.”
I will “pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests…” Ephesians 6:18
I will pray when I am sad. When I’m tired. When I’m angry. When I”m hopeless. Ill pray whenever I feel like I am incapable to do anything. As well… I will pray when I’m joyful, I will pray to those who need prayer or need to be blessed and I will not be afraid to ask! Prayer and intercession is a gift. A gift that I will cherish and build up the body of Christ – my community and friends.
I am encouraged.
I am blessed.
Thank you Lord for lifting me up.
January 20, 2014 § Leave a comment
But Moses said to the Lord, “Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.”
Then the Lord said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord ?
Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.”
But he said, “Oh, my Lord, please send someone else.”
Then the anger of the Lord was kindled against Moses and he said, “Is there not Aaron, your brother, the Levite? I know that he can speak well. Behold, he is coming out to meet you, and when he sees you, he will be glad in his heart.
You shall speak to him and put the words in his mouth, and I will be with your mouth and with his mouth and will teach you both what to do.
He shall speak for you to the people, and he shall be your mouth, and you shall be as God to him. (Exodus 4:10-16 ESV)
January 19, 2014 § Leave a comment
Tomorrow I begin a new adventure.
What will come from this new path?
Possibly a chance to be closer to Jesus. No. I definitely believe and know that this path will bring me closer to him in every way of my life.
Posture. Prayer. Obedience. Discipline. These are the hopes I wish to be strengthened in.
Here I come.
January 6, 2014 § Leave a comment
About one or two months ago I prayed for God to use me in my dreams. What do i mean? I wanted to be active in my dreams to follow his will and bring his kingdom to earth. I wanted to be praying for people as I dreamed.
Dreaming is a gift from God. I absolutely love to dream, regardless of where I am or what I”m doing, most of the time my dreams feel like a safe and exciting place to rest.
And lately I have been asking him to prompt me to follow him wherever and whenever.
It was yesterday morning when I woke up at 05:00 from a dream. A dream where I remembered a good friend of mine crying on the phone to my sister. I didn’t know what was going on, but it was unusual to see her crying in my dream. As my eyes opened in alarm after the dream, a presence of fear filled the room. I became frightened and my back felt tense and frustrated from the soft mattress. I coughed because my throat was parched – maybe a sickness was coming onto me. Then I cried, calling out to the Lord for help. I wanted Him to come rescue me and my friend from this feeling of fear and sorrow. I wanted Him to bring us peace and rest.
This was the first time in my life where God placed a friend in my dream to think about and then woken me up to pray for them.
Later that day, I asked my friend how she was feeling the night before. She was feeling discouraged and was going to ask me for prayer that night, but she ended up sleeping instead. So in response to her cry for help, God used me. He prompted my in my dream and as I woke up to pray for her.
God, I know You are here and You are always here with us even when we deny your presence, when we deny your silence because we need something tangible as a response. Even when we feel all alone, but I know that You, O Lord, have and will never forsake us. God I praise you for making miracles happen, for using each one of our gifts to encourage and increase our faith for the body of the church. I am passionately excited to see more of your transformations throughout me, my community, and your kingdom. Amen.