The things people say…

February 10, 2014 § Leave a comment

Do not worry, do not be anxious…

The moment I take my eyes off God and Look at myself… I become anxious and I start to worry. My falling impact is hurled across the ground where I feel beaten and stepped upon. For I was clothed in his glory, a beaming joy that brought light to all areas the of darkness in my life. However, it’s when I choose to ignore his call and answer to myself… that’s when I begin to fall apart.

Do not worry, do not be anxious…

This seed of darkness has been growing in me since the night of our church’s Alpha banquet. I was attempting to start a conversation between a friend and I… when I heard someone mutter under their breath, “What a sucky conversation.” I felt a seed of discouragement be planted within my heart. Inside my mind I was said, “Ouch!” Now you probably don’t know this about me, but I am not good at facilitating discussion within groups. This is not a strength of mine, it’s a weakness that I wanted to strengthen. A weakness where I wanted God to grow me in. So… Going head into multiple opportunities was… and is a challenge that I am facing right now.  (Honest enough, I don’t like what people say about me – and its probably like that for you too. Its hard to live up to everyone’s expectation – it just feels like I’m being weighed down by more problems. In the past I have ignored what people say about me, but recently I have become aware of what really bothers me. Instead of ignoring or trying to bury these expectations, I’ve opened the wound to allow God to heal me. When do these thoughts have been coming up, I try to take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. It sometimes works, and sometimes silence overtakes me…)

So Why Alpha? And Why Youth Alpha?
Even though I have struggled in both trying to  facilitate discussion or conversations, I have been blessed by God through other ways. In Alpha on Tuesday, I was introduced to two parents who wanted their kids to attend Youth Alpha on Fridays. Not a coincidence that I was there to explain a little more about youth alpha. And this past youth alpha on Friday, two people came wanting to do an alpha course – however because they are leaving to shanghai soon, they won’t be able to do the entire course. I told them that I was volunteering with alpha on Tuesdays and briefly told about what we would do. I invited him to come regardless of only attending one Alpha night. I am amazed to see God work in my life, using these circumstances to bless others. It’s convenient that I participate in both and it’s also hard on me. Countless times I have been feeling discouraged, I have been wanting to leave Alpha and cry in a corner. I honestly feel so helpless and because of that, I know that it’s not on me how things will turn out, but it’s all on Jesus to make things turn out. He is the one in control and I’m relearning to place my all my trust back into his hands.

The closer I become to God, The harder the fall will be when I turn away from his face. I’m tired of being a lukewarm Christian. I want to devote my entire life to God, through prayer and posture. The distractions that I have been placing before God are worthless and consuming. So from today forth, I want to recommit my life to Jesus, every single part where I have not given already to Him.

Wherever  I go, I want you Jesus to guide me, give me words of wisdom and knowledge. Give me a heart of compassion and patience. Take my hand so that I can join you on your path wherever you go, Whatever you want me to pray for, I’ll pray for it. Through and IN any circumstances, I will be here ready at your feet, listening to your call and willing to step out in faith into any uncomfortable place covered in darkness. For you said, “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” Amen.


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