My imperfection being transformed into God’s work
March 5, 2014 § Leave a comment
On Thursday February 27, I wanted to give some time to be with God, but that didn’t turn out as what I had promised. I’ve been feeling impatient and frustrated for a week now. But I think it’s because I’m trying so hard to make everything perfect, and that it doesn’t turn out nicely that I become hurt. It’s like these possessions have become part of my body, and it literally feels like I’m cutting off a limb when I mess up. On Sunday February 23, I made pizza which ended up being tumbled and became messy and not perfectly round. It turned out great, was a fluffy/airy pizza. The taste is fine and delicious, but my creations don’t end up as I ever like them to be. So on February 27th as Joe was talking about how we need to lose our pride, and we need to give up everything to God. I felt convicted, it’s because I haven’t been spending that time with Jesus… And so I’ve been feeling pooped out. Making and baking lots of things, but not receiving enough rest or being filled by God. So during this moment of my conviction, I saw what I needed to do and where I needs to be, but it wasn’t enough to change my actions I took on Thursday night which was sitting in numbness. I just gotta do it.
I felt sad too, and overwhelmed by other people’s emotions. Since we were talking about dating – I became sad because I didn’t take an opportunity to tell the person I wanted to date. And even though I kept giving her up to God I just felt overall discouraged. A revelation dawned on me that all these feelings of discouragement or anxiety were related to spiritual attacks in which the enemy was successful. The enemy was sneaking into my life to put a stop to all my actions relating to God. When I thought about it some more, I knew my feelings were right. I liked her, but I wasn’t ready to date her because God wanted me to deepen my relationship with Him and He wanted me to be who I am – the way He created me to be as He planned. As Joe talked about that guys need to be comfortable in themselves before they should date anyone, I knew that was what I was trying to accomplish. I needed to become a man.
I wasn’t ready for a relationship with this wonderful and beautiful woman of God, however, there will be a time when the right person comes into my life. It is by God who has taught me so much about who he is and who I am, and over this past year I feel more mature in the person He created me to be. Step by step, I am growing out of these old habits/defaults and steadily becoming closer to Jesus. I feel more confident and faithful today then I was a year ago. I am determined to always turn my eyes to Jesus. He is the one who gives me strength and the one who has given me a new life because he died for all my/our sins. I will continue to praise my God for all the revelations and gifts he has given to me.