regret

March 30, 2017 § Leave a comment

Lately, I have been bothered by the things I say, to friends, in class, or in general that I regret every saying it in the first place. I think… was it necessary to say that? Then I feel embarrassed and regretful.

Is it because I try to portray myself a transparent book, or perhaps that was who God made me to be?

A thought pondered into my mind this evening as I was feeling regretful for saying unnecessary things, it was the Holy Spirit whispering, “It was the reason why you decided to take Early Childhood Education in the first place.” And that reason was to help me grow as person in front of others, whether it made me look silly or stupid. I decided to gain self-confidence to be bold and true to myself in front of children to bridge the gap between my peers and me.

I find it hard to be shaped during this process: “But now, O Lord, You are our Father; we are the clay, and You our potter; and all we are the work of Your hand.” (Isaiah 64:8) I trust in God to form me however he sees me.

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Writing with tears

March 27, 2017 § Leave a comment

Over the past couple of weeks whenever I would spend time with God at night time before I slept, and after I wrote everything that I had to say-up to the point where I don’t want to write anymore down… the Holy Spirit would say to me, “You still have more to write.” 

I took a deep breath, and immediately tears would come bursting forth and down my face uncontrollably. These were the words that I could not write down because I did not know how to pray for them… 

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.” Romans 8:26

One night as I was crying in the presence of the Holy Spirit, I saw a vision: 
All my tears streaming down my face were dripping onto my blank paged journal. The moment my tears touched the pages, words started to form and fill each page. 

My tears were writing a story- a prayer that I could not write by myself, but only with the help of the Holy Spirit. 

The Holy Spirit speaks again

March 26, 2017 § Leave a comment

This morning I woke up in the middle of the night – exactly when a friend from South Korea had messaged me. He was feeling bad for something he had done to a person whom he met that day.

I told him, “I so happened to wake up at the moment he texted me.” But truly, it was the Holy Spirit who woke me up in the morning to attend to his needs. My friend needed a friend to talk to about it. I talked to him briefly, but only for 10 minutes, then I went back to sleep. I wasn’t able to sleep though, I tried… it felt like I was awake before I slept. I should’ve talked to him yesterday.

Thinking about how the Holy Spirit has been speaking to me daily, I want to be more willing to listen and be obedient. “Holy Spirit, why am I wide awake now?” Instead of assuming that it was coincidence – when it’s like a divine appointment, in which I could’ve shared the reason why I woke up regardless if he didn’t believe in God or not.

I will continue to pray and see, if and when God will bring me more opportunities to listen to the Holy Spirit.

For now, I will not feel guilty or remorseful over this event, but that I will try to take some time and ask Him, “Why am I up?” And wait for his reply. Then follow his words.

 

— A friend of mine was talking about going to the gym and being sore. I said, “You have time for that?” She replied, “I make time for it.”

The question that I need to reflect on is:
What do you want to make time for in your life?

I need to make time to not only pray, but wait for a response from the Holy Spirit, instead of thinking about my needs first. I want to put the needs of others first before myself (being a servant to all).

Keep the door open for Me

March 26, 2017 § Leave a comment

I was walking to my practicum yesterday morning, when I noticed and felt that someone was walking very close to me. I picked up the pace and as I was passing through a building, a sudden thought arose in my mind to keep the door open for the person behind me. I pushed the door open with my hand as I walked into the building, however, little did I know that the man who was walking behind me was carrying a huge ladder on his shoulders. He shouted, “Hey you, I know you can’t hear me because you are wearing headphones, but can you open the door for me?” I turned around and walked back outside the door, and held it open for him.

The reason why I am sharing this story is because it represents how attentive I am in listening to the Holy Spirit. I am the person who hears, but only pushes the door slightly open to make little space for the person behind me to slide in. Although, what God was showing to me is that I could be the person who listens, and takes some time out of my day to stand by the door, and hold it wide open for whoever else was following me.

Visions

March 26, 2017 § Leave a comment

A while back, I had a vision of a friend, who in the vision was doing some bad stuff. I shared my vision with my friend, but they had lied and said they were fine. At that time, i believed my friend and thought nothing more of the vision. However, if I had only pressed on with the vision and trusted the Holy Spirit with the truth that he gave to me then I think things could’ve turned out differently today.

I don’t regret what I did, but now I wish that for the vision that the Holy Spirit gives to me, I want to press on and say (what another friend had encouraged me to say), I really think that the Holy Spirit is telling me something, and there has to be a reason why he has given me this vision, there must be something there – connecting the vision to the person’s life. You are attacking their flesh when you are pressing in with your visions.

Saying something along those lines…

I really do want to press into the visions that He gives to me and trust the truth of what the Holy Spirit is saying to me. And I mean sometimes I may be wrong which is okay… but yeah.

I talked about having visions for another friend in another post. Well, I think back to that time when i hurt her because I wasn’t discerning my visions (- is there a right time to share them?). And because of that time, I don’t push, or press into to sharing a vision that has a negative image to it with others.

That is my prayer for this week and until I become more obedient to the words and pictures of truth that Holy Spirit whispers to me.

1 john 4:1-6, 13-16.

March 18, 2017 § Leave a comment

1Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. 2This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God,3but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world.

4You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. 5They are from the world and therefore speak from the viewpoint of the world, and the world listens to them. 6We are from God, and whoever knows God listens to us; but whoever is not from God does not listen to us. This is how we recognize the Spirit of truth and the spirit of falsehood…

13This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. 14And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. 16And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.

This evening as I was talking to a friend, my head began to hurt, but it would only hurt whenever I talked to my friend. I tried thinking about something to distract my mind from thinking about my friend, then my mind would stop hurting. Then I went back and thought about my friend. I tried this multiple of times until I finally asked my friend how he/she was doing. The answer unfolded and it was the Holy Spirit describing their well being to me. I wanted to point out what I thought was wrong in their thinking, but instead I didn’t. I wanted to encourage and speak truth. 1 John 4 was the truth speaking to both my friend and me.

This is the Holy Spirit speaking to me, and training me to use my gift properly.

 

Rice Krispy square

March 18, 2017 § Leave a comment

All throughout the morning of my practicum yesterday, I was craving a rice krispy square. I was really tempted to buy some at the local grocery store, but resisted. Later on that day after one of my classes, my friend went to buy stuff at a bake sale and offered me to get something because she had a toonie. I said no the first 2 times, then finally gave in and chose the rice krispy square. My earlier morning cravings had been satisfied. I thanked my friend and thank God for this unique experience receiving this small gift.

Today, as I was walking to school after eating my lunch, I had a thought that the bus should be passing by me soon. I looked behind me, but saw nothing there. 10 seconds later, it passes and I could’ve made it for the stop if I had ran. ah well.

The reason why i mention these insignificant stories is because it reminds me of when the Holy Spirit spoke to me randomly in my day. He met my needs even when I wasn’t asking for anything, but simply did it because he loves me. Or so this is what Ive been believing – this two way relationship between Jesus and me.

Where Am I?

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